Is your typical reaction when something upsetting happens in your life one of fury and rage?

Have you been having trouble keeping your temper in check, lashing out at your partner, kids, or coworkers for the smallest of reasons?

Marriage counseling Raleigh NC might help you!

You will understand where your emotions come from and develop strategies for better emotional regulation.

It is normal to feel frustrated and angry from time to time. Anger is a natural aspect of our "fight or flight" reaction. Therefore its purpose is to keep us safe. But if you can’t control your aggressive urges, this can result in rage explosions ranging from verbal aggression to angry outbursts and physical violence. Moreover, in our culture, expressing anger is frowned upon. For this reason, we often get scared of our anger – it activates a lot of stuff inside us, particularly if we grew up without anger or were taught to conceal it.

For example, if you were raised in a family that suppressed anger and never discussed feelings, experiencing anger in your partner’s reactions might be frightening, causing you to want to move away.

Rethinking Anger in Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC

Turning painful feelings, you don’t want to deal with into wrath might become a habit. Or, instead of showing your anger, you could try to hold it in and not get angry, which could lead to anxiety, passive-aggressive behavior, or depression. None of this is healthy and can harm your well-being and relationships in the long run.

What I do with couples in marriage counseling sessions is a technique called “rethinking anger.” Basically, rethinking anger means discovering and understanding what is underneath the anger.

Anger is a secondary, intense emotion that is typically triggered by other distressing emotions, such as pain, embarrassment, or humiliation, which might drive us to get enraged.

For example, when one partner gets really angry, and tries to verbally or emotionally attack another partner, what I do as a therapist is to challenge the receiving partner to think along the lines  of, “What’s happening for my partner right now that he or she is getting so heated?”

In marriage counseling, we usually reframe anger with passion. I emphasize my passion to my clients by saying something like:

·       “Look at all the passion that your partner has for you!”

·       “There is something moving through them because you’re so important to them.”

·       “They get so intense because they care so much about you.”

·       “They are probably scared about losing you or you thinking they are not a good person.”

Reframing anger like this helps the receiving partner slow down, access empathy, unpack things and understand that when our nervous system feels threatened, we tend to attack, blame, and externalize. But the more intense our anger is, this only means that the bigger our fear is.

During our marriage counseling sessions, we will focus on these fears to break the negative cycle in your relationship, making you feel more connected and understood.

Summary

Because being furious feels better than being ashamed, afraid, or sad, we often use anger to cover vulnerability and turn unpleasant emotions into feelings of power and control. In other words, we get enraged to protect ourselves against these emotions.

Marriage counseling Raleigh NC can be your safe place to unpack difficult emotions, understand and rethink your anger, and feel more connected with your partner.

If you want to apply this to your life, you can start journaling about your emotions. For example, start noticing what happens when your heart is uncomfortable, and you get angry. Try to observe and note what is happening on the inside – what are you scared of? And then you can start talking about that with your partner.  I hope this is helpful and that you apply it not only to your relationship with your spouse but also to your relationships with your children, friends, and other significant people in your life.

If you need more help than this blog can give you or want to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation with me, click here. I offer the best marriage counseling I can! You can also check out the FAQs to learn more.

This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships do what is proven to work to help them heal their relationships. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who wants to heal their relationship.

Stop wasting years of your precious life trying to feel happy. Schedule your free 15-minute consultation with me today by clicking here. During the call, you will discover how having a place to heal your relationship with a guide can take you from the hurt to a healthier relationship than the one you grew up with. 

Hi, I'm Irina Baechle LCSW, in Raleigh, NC. I believe in the power of healthy relationships and write on that topic. Whether you and a partner are co-creating a healthy marriage, or you are single navigating how to have healthy relationships, my content is for you.

Let's make healthy, trustworthy marriages the norm instead of the exception!

Topics I write about include marriage, infidelity, roommate marriages, healthy second marriages, healing after toxic or unfaithful marriages.