Infidelity in Marriage – What Is It Exactly?

Infidelity in marriage is loaded with a negative connotation of offence, immorality, and betrayal. We are so ready to make a snap judgment and cast the offender out. But infidelity typically happens in context as a symptom of something much more profound.

In Wake Forest couples counseling, no one is ever labeled as the offender. Both unfaithful and faithful spouses are considered the injured parties when it comes to infidelity in marriage. Please don't hear me wrong, though; a good therapist will never justify or defend adultery. During your marriage therapy in Wake Forest, we will dig deep to get to the roots of infidelity and pain it caused.

Why Does Infidelity Hurt So Much?

We build our relationships on trust. We trust that our partners will be there for us that we are accepted and loved. So, we feel betrayed only by people we trust. Infidelity represents a loss, not only of a relationship but also of everything we ever believed and relied upon.

Many people feel infidelity in marriage as a betrayal from someone whom they have been vulnerable to. You can't help feeling betrayed when you discover that a person you shared the deepest part of yourself was disloyal.

Deception turns a person you trusted into an offender, which shakes your beliefs, certainties, and values to the grounds. You feel profoundly hurt, lonely, end enraged. And this is entirely normal. You are outraged by your partner's deception and seek vengeance, which keeps you stuck in hurt, unforgiveness, and misery.

However, you can choose to see infidelity as an opportunity to learn from the bad experience and grow, both individually and as a couple. Or to part ways on good terms and feel empowered to move on with your life and trust people again.

Why Does Infidelity Happen?

The first step in rebuilding trust is understanding why did infidelity in your marriage happens. Wake Forest couples counseling may be a safe place to shift the mindset and stop judging your partner's behavior from the position of your own hurt.

·       Did your partner have some hurtful experiences in their past?

·       Does your relationship feel like a roommate's marriage?

·       Do you or your partner feel emotionally disconnected?

·       Do you have communication or intimacy issues?

·       Can you be vulnerable with one another?

·       Is there a lack of freedom or a sense of space in your relationship?

·       Is one of you preoccupied with other things such as kids or career vs. with your relationship?

During marriage counseling or couples intensive in Wake Forest, we will dig deep into these and similar questions to unravel the background of infidelity in your marriage.

Emotional Affairs

When talking about infidelity, most people have physical cheating in mind. Nevertheless, infidelity doesn't have to involve sex. Infidelity is often much more than sexual attraction. Sex comes naturally as an intense emotional exchange between two people, and it is a natural process of being with someone.

However, if a person invests their energy into someone other than their spouse, they are likely to have an emotional affair.

What is an Emotional Affair?

An emotional affair is a strong feeling of connection and a bond with someone who is not your partner or spouse. Emotional affairs involve emotional and mental intimacy of a romantic relationship but without physical involvement.

While emotional affairs do not involve sex, they can become nothing less destructive to a relationship than physical infidelity. The intimacy in an emotional affair is much more intense than in a sexual affair because a person is investing a lot more emotionally. In an emotional affair, you spend your energy in fantasizing about another person, because the sexual attraction inevitably arouses sooner or later. Investing in an emotional affair drains energy from your spouse's relationship, and they start feeling neglected and betrayed.

How to Overcome Infidelity in Marriage

For many people, infidelity means the end of a relationship or marriage. However, cheating in marriage can be an awakening call and the opportunity to reconnect and rebuild it.

Understanding that no one is perfect and that we are all vulnerable to affairs can help manage infidelity aftermath and start learning to love and trust your partner again.

Regaining trust is only possible; however, if the unfaithful partner is ready, to be honest, demonstrate trustworthiness, and put the relationship first. On the other side, the hurt partner needs to be willing to let go of their resentment and anger and to forgive.

Summary

Infidelity in marriage happens for a variety of reasons. Whatever triggers it, infidelity cuts us to our core and shakes our lives to the grounds.

Wake Forest couples counseling can be a safe place for you and your partner to start these painful processes, protect or recover your love for one another, and start rebuilding a conscious relationship.

I hope this information gives you a better insight into what infidelity in marriage is. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to give me a call at (703)347 3200 and schedule an appointment online or in my Wake Forest office here.