Love and Intimacy – What to Do when I Love Everything about My Partner Except Sex?

You may have a meaningful relationship and love everything about your partner – except sex. A discrepancy in desires and expectations regarding sex life can cause emotional disconnection and other related issues. 

Many couples who come to marriage therapy in Raleigh, NC, have intimacy issues – saying that their sex life has gone down the drain.

Many of them say they feel like roommates in their relationships. They have gotten through a lot together, invested a lot, and still feel close. They share a lot in common and still function as a team. Many of these people feel as they have found their soul mate. 

However, sometimes too much closeness and familiarity between the long-term partners can endanger intimacy and sexual desire. 

All good relationships are built on love, trust, honesty, commitment, and intimacy. When each of these elements is missing, couples might start feeling estranged and disconnected. 

Most couples who come to Wake Forest counseling want to rekindle closeness and passion. They come to work on their emotional connection – to open up with each other and talk about their needs and feelings honestly. 

One of the most common challenges couples stumbles upon is sex discrepancies. It's normal to have different preferences for family life and sex life. Today's societal expectations are that we can have it all, which is not true. You can dearly love your partner, get along very well, and yet have a lousy sex life. 

Different Needs and Wants

Sometimes, partners can have different needs and desires when it comes to sex. For instance, one partner may use sex to secure a relationship, and once they feel secure, they may lose interest in it or become less sexual. 

And then, there are people who don't know how to be emotionally connected to their partner without sex. So, these individuals reach for sex, putting a lot of pressure on it. They want sex all the time, which can be too demanding to their partner and draining to their relationship. 

Your partner may love you and want to get close, but the only way they know how to connect is through sex.

During our marriage counseling or sessions or couples intensives in Raleigh, NC, we search for other ways to connect and emotionally strengthen those patterns.

Does Sex Require Novelty?

Some people love simply love change – they enjoy exploring and experimenting with new things in all segments of life. They get bored with predictability and repetitiveness. 

If you are one of them, you may believe that sex always needs to involve something new, whether it is a sense of adventure, new places, new partners, etc. 

There is nothing wrong with that, but only if you share the same mindset. It is healthy if both of you want to explore the possibilities and introduce new things to your sex life, and you both feel comfortable about it. 

However, if one of the partners doesn't share this script, the relationship suffers. While creativity can be a significant aspect of sexuality, it also requires you to be vulnerable, turn to your partner and share your desires and fears. And some people simply don't feel comfortable doing this. 

What Emotional Bids Have to Do with Sex and Intimacy?

An emotional bid involves things we say or do to let our partner know we want a connection. One way to rekindle intimacy is to learn to turn toward each other's bids for connection. Turning towards one another's emotional bids can help create or re-establish a deeper emotional connection and get your sex life back on track.

How to Renew Closeness?

EFT couples therapy can help couples learn to understand and experience each other's feelings and show empathy, strengthening the bond between them.

Our relationship dynamic happens through two cycles, a relationship cycle, and a sex cycle. To rekindle closeness in your relationship, you need to bring these two cycles into balance. 

Marriage therapy can help thoughtfully unpack your sex issues by running through your intimacy history and raising awareness of your desire discrepancy roots. This sexual history unpacking is typically done in individual sessions with each partner, so your therapist can better understand your situation. 

Then your couples therapist will encourage you to explore and recognize your deepest feelings and desires that are often blocked and prevent you from being completely vulnerable with your partner. 

Unpacking your most profound emotions can help express these feelings in a way that will help you rekindle intimacy. 

Summary

Many people out there feel disconnected in their relationships because of the differences in their sexual preferences, desires, beliefs, and expectations, not knowing how to rekindle intimacy and closeness. 

Marriage counseling in Raleigh, NC, can be a great way to get out of your roommate's marriage and renew lost passion. 

I hope this information helps you learn more about love and intimacy in your relationship and how to regain neglected passion in your relationship. 

If you have any questions, do not hesitate to call at (703)-347-3200 for your free of charge 15-min consultation. To schedule an appointment in my Wake Forest office online, click here.