Marriage Counseling Raleigh – Relationship Tip #3: Are You a Cycle Breaker?

Marriage counseling Raleigh NC may be a perfect solution for you if you and your partner feel like roommates and your relationship lacks passion and authenticity.

You may still function well together while going about your day-to-day stuff or even be good friends. But, still, you feel that you don’t have that natural connection that ensures emotional security, passion, and affection.

If your marriage feels like this and you want more out of it, you might want to try marriage counseling Raleigh to find and break bad habits that keep your relationship from growing.

"Getting Bigger" VS. "Getting Smaller": Understanding Your Cycle

You may feel hopeless because even though you understand that you are getting stuck in your relationship’s cycle, you are still reverting to those unproductive behaviors.

Yelling and screaming at each other ("getting bigger") or shutting down and distancing ("getting smaller") are unproductive behaviors that keep your relationship cycle running even though you understand these behaviors are harmful. Still, you can’t make your nervous system do anything different at the moment.

So, you might be concerned that you are not really breaking the cycle. You want to be the cycle breaker, but those moments prevent you from feeling good about what you are doing.

Firstly, you need to take a moment and acknowledge if you are feeling this way and if you realize you are getting stuck in the cycle.

Some days you may be able to see your steps, change those steps, and get out of the cycle. However, you sometimes use the same unproductive behaviors inherited from your family of origin.

Don’t be hard on yourself because if you do this, you are already doing fantastic work by trying to learn how to love your partner in a way you have never loved before.

What Does Breaking the Cycle Mean?

You are breaking the cycle if:

·       You are able to stop yourself, change the steps of the "dance," and get out of the cycle.

·       You don’t have the opportunity or ability to stop yourself from doing something unproductive (you become reactive or withdraw), but you come back and repair. 

How to Repair and Break the Cycle

After an argument, you must return to your partner and accept responsibility for the disagreement. You must put it into words, apologize, and talk about it. 

You are breaking the cycle by putting your experience into words, owning this experience, and holding yourself accountable. 

Working with an individual or couples counselor can help you understand this process, your role, and how you can become a cycle breaker and improve your relationship. 

If you think your marriage is in trouble, a couples intensive or marriage counseling Raleigh NC, can be an excellent place to start working on your problems and get close again.

A trained counselor can lead you through an exercise called "inner child work" to help you identify and unlearn the destructive habits you picked up as a child that are interfering with your ability to be authentic self and enjoy your relationship with your partner.

Summary

Being a cycle breaker means you can either change the steps in your relationship cycle and react constructively or come back and repair it after an argument. The repair can take place after two hours or two weeks (hopefully not after two months or years because this will not be effective). But that is okay – you are still learning and growing. 

Your relationship can succeed if you can own it and talk about it honestly.

I hope this was helpful. If you have any questions or want to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation with me, click here or check out the FAQs to learn more.

This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships do what is proven to work to help them heal their relationships. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who wants to heal their relationship.

Stop wasting years of your precious life trying to feel happy. Schedule your free 15-minute consultation with me today by clicking here. During the call, you will discover how having a place to heal your relationship with a guide can take you from the hurt to a healthier relationship than the one you grew up with.