Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC Series: Think Twice Before Saying "We Need to Talk"

Marriage counseling Raleigh NC is a place where couples who feel tired, confused, and disconnected feel safe to work on rekindling their relationship.

Marriage counseling can help you get to a place where you feel seen, understood, safe, and secure with each other.

The Dreaded "We Need to Talk"

Most of us will say, "We need to talk," when we're upset and want to discuss something with our partner.

But aren't these the most distressing words someone can say to you? This phrase implies that nothing nice is on the way, creating alarming anticipation and a stomach churn.

This does not mean that you should avoid conflicts at all costs. On the contrary, conflicts may be good for a relationship if you know how to communicate positively, recover, and mend after an argument.

They can be an excellent opportunity to work on challenges in your marriage and make positive changes.

However, whether you deliver or receive them, the words "We need to talk" often create anxiety, fear, and apprehension.

Upon hearing these words, your spouse will most likely feel intimidated. As a result, they may get reactive or begin to shut down and distance themselves.

This way, the issues in your marriage will only worsen, requiring much more effort and time to mend, like each other again, and reconnect.

So, learning to discuss your marriage problems with your spouse can Learning skills to deal with conflicts effectively will help you to approach disagreements confidentially while expressing your thoughts, emotions, and needs assertively.

How to Feel Safe and Secure Again

Marriage counseling Raleigh NC can be a safe environment in which to learn what to say instead and adequately address concerns with your partner without creating tension and discomfort.

Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC Pro Tip: Change Your Wording

A more positive approach to addressing your worries can help you and your partner to feel motivated and think through possible solutions.

So, instead of saying, "We need to talk," you can say something like:

"Can we set aside some time to talk about important issues to me?"

"Let's discuss how we can create more space for you, me, and us so that we can feel better."

"Let me know when it works for you and when you can do this for us."

By changing your "tune," you include a benefit for your partner in this invitation. This changes the whole tone and dynamics of your interaction.

Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC Pro Tip:

Pick the Right Moment

It's usually not the greatest moment to start your chat towards the end of the day or a week when everyone is exhausted. Also, don't try to discuss your worries while your spouse is distracted doing something and unable to focus on you.

So, try to read into your partner's mood and arrange a time to talk when your partner has plenty of time and doesn't feel stressed. Try to evaluate their emotional state before you start the difficult conversation and speak to them in a way that feels safe and inviting.

Summary

The phrase "We need to talk" implies possible conflict, reactivity, or withdrawal and can be fear and anxiety-inducing for most people.

Learning to change your approach and address your worries more positively allows you to invite your partner into a mutually beneficial conversation that can help both of you get your needs met.

I hope this was helpful. If you have any questions or would like to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation with me, click here or check out the FAQs to learn more.

This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships do what is proven to work to help them heal their relationships. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who wants to heal their relationship.

Stop wasting years of your precious life trying to feel happy. Schedule your free 15-minute consultation with me today by clicking here. During the call, you will discover how having a place to heal your relationship with a guide can take you from the hurt to a healthier relationship than the one you grew up with.