Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity
Infidelity in marriage causes severe emotional pain and endless devastation to a relationship. However, an affair doesn't have to mean the end of your marriage. Rebuilding marriage after infidelity is a long and painful process. But it is not impossible.
Although infidelity shakes the foundation of the relationship itself, if both you and your partner are committed to healing, there is no reason your marriage should not survive and become more potent after infidelity.
Why Does Infidelity Happen?
First of all, you need to define what is infidelity in the context of your relationship. It is not easy to define cheating. What appears as infidelity to some couples, may be considered as a benign relationship by others. Moreover, partners in a relationship may have a different understanding of what is considered cheating. For example, you may view an emotional connection without physical intimacy as a close friendship while your partner sees it as a passionate affair.
Once you agree on how you define infidelity in your marriage context, you will feel empowered to understand how to rebuild your marriage after infidelity.
Discuss the Factors that Contributed to Infidelity
One of the first steps toward healing and marriage recovery is to understand why an affair happened. Wake Forest couples counseling can help you explore some of the most common factors that possibly contributed to infidelity in your marriage. Some of the reasons may include loss of intimacy and emotional distancing, lack of affection, poor communication, or unaddressed relationship anxiety that has been building for years
Talk About Feelings
Upon discovering infidelity, both you and your partner may experience intense feelings of anger, shame, betrayal, sadness, or guilt. The aftermath of infidelity is a difficult time for everyone, so you should avoid making long-time decisions.
Try to talk honestly and without blame and judgment instead. Give each other space, though, and don't rush with making decisions before you feel ready to talk without engaging in emotionally intense discussions.
Don't insist on delving into the intimate details of the affair without professional guidance, as this might cause further harm to your relationship.
Seek Couples Counseling
Consider couples intensive counseling that will allow you to work through your relationship crisis faster and more intensively. Studies show that, in many cases, marriage counseling is more effective when it is done in an intensive format.
Couples intensive can help you reach a resolution more quickly and learn skill sets to develop a deeper connection after infidelity.
Wake Forest marriage intensive counseling provides an intense but safe context to work on your relationship recovery, develop new insights, and learn skills to begin healing and rekindling connection in your marriage.
Marriage counseling in Raleigh, NC, can help you put an affair into perspective, restore trust, and learn how to rebuild and strengthen your relationship.
Take Responsibility
The partner who cheated needs to be accountable for their actions. If your spouse was unfaithful, it is essential that he or she ends the affair and stops communicating with the person. If your spouse was involved with a co-worker, he or she needs to strictly limit interaction to work or even start looking for a new job. Of course, the same applies if you were unfaithful, too.
Think about Your Reasons to Forgive
When you calm down after the initial shock, you should reflect on your relationship and think about your spouse's future. Ask yourself, can you imagine a future with him? Will you be able to trust him/her again? What makes your relationship unique and worth fighting for? Do you want to save your marriage because you are afraid of being alone?
Do you have children together? For many of my clients in Wake Forest counseling, kids are the main reason to forgive the infidelity and save the marriage. Be honest to yourself, though, when deciding whether children are the primary (or only) reason to forgive your spouse who cheated on you.
Summary
If both of you are committed to healing and repairing your marriage after infidelity, couples counseling in Raleigh, NC, can be a safe place to work through this painful experience and start the healing process. The reward can be a more reliable connection and a more rewarding marriage.
If you have any questions, do not hesitate to give me a call at (703)347 3200 and schedule an appointment online or in my Wake Forest office here.
