Reconnect and Rekindle: How Enactments Benefit Couples in Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC

As a marriage counselor in Raleigh, NC, I often work with couples who struggle with communication breakdown, emotional disconnection, and loneliness in marriage. Today, I would like to give you a sneak peek into something we often use in marriage counseling sessions in Raleigh NC.

This technique from emotionally focused therapy for couples (EFT) is called an enactment. But before we proceed with this post, here are a couple of my other popular blogs posts that you might want to check out:

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What are Enactments and How to Use Them in Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC

Enactment is one of the key EFT techniques used to help couples strengthen their bond and improve intimacy. It's a role-play exercise during which the couple expresses their deep feelings, discovers new ways of communication, and creates a stronger emotional connection.

Enactment is something I explain to couples during our first session together. I invite both partners to turn to each other and share new, vulnerable information about themselves or their relationship cycle with each other. At the same time, they are fully present with each other, looking into each other's eyes. There are no other distractions during this process. I am there to witness their experience and guide them through the exercise.

This is called enactment. For example, one partner shares that they are feeling really hurt or neglected but haven't been able to express this clearly. They might shut down because they feel like a failure.

As an EFT therapist, I encourage the wounded partner to share these deep, often suppressed emotions with their partner. Their partner was unaware of what was really going on inside. They were not aware of their partner's true feelings. They believed that their wounded partner was indifferent, which led them to distance themselves and withdraw emotionally.

Then, I would ask both partners to turn to each other and ask the wounded partner to share the actual reason for emotionally distancing themselves. They may say something like, "The actual reason I shut down is because I feel like I'm failing you. I don't feel good enough and don't like that feeling, so I move away and shut down."

The other partner listens carefully and then responds. As a marriage therapist, I encourage them to respond with empathy and understanding, focusing on profound emotional understanding rather than just fixing things for their partner.

How Enactments Benefit Couples in Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC

When the partner who was unaware of this hears those words, many things can improve. Enactments allow the partners to show each other what is really going on inside for them, helping both partners understand each other's internal world and emotions on a deeper level.

They talk about it and feel closer to each other, better understanding what is happening for each of them. Enactments help couples translate their fears, concerns, and misunderstandings into emotionally attuned language that both of them understand.

Usually, couples are not able to achieve this without the therapist's help. So, you might need professional assistance and guidance with enactments, especially in the beginning. Still, then you practice these skills outside of therapy sessions, breaking the cycle in your relationship, improving your interaction, and strengthening your bond.

Summary

Emotionally focused therapy for couples is one of the most evidence-based practices in couples counseling, founded on more than 30 years of research. It gives us clinicians a beautiful map of how to help couples love each other in the most meaningful way, feeling secure, safe, and fully connected.

If there have been traumas, betrayals, or affairs, EFT can help you through your emotional injuries, heal, and get to a beautiful, secure place together.

I hope this is helpful and that you apply it not only to your relationship with your spouse but also to your relationships with your children, friends, and other significant people in your life. If you have any questions or would like to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation with me, click here or check out the FAQs to learn more.

This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships do what is proven to work to help them heal their relationships. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who wants to heal their relationship.

Hi, I'm Irina Baechle, LCSW, in Raleigh, NC. I believe in the power of healthy relationships and write on that topic. Whether you and a partner are co-creating a healthy marriage or you are single and navigating how to have healthy relationships, my content is for you. Let's make healthy, trustworthy marriages the norm instead of the exception!

Topics I write about include marriage, infidelity, roommate marriages, healthy second marriages, and healing after toxic or unfaithful marriages.