Should I Leave My Husband for Cheating?

Finding out that your husband has cheated on you can be devastating. Infidelity is typically perceived as a betrayal. You feel deceived by someone you trusted, and you don’t know how to continue with this person. You may be in a state of shock and disbelief. You want to hate your husband and never forgive him.

And it is tough to let go of these negative feelings. But you don’t want to leave your husband because you still love him/have been together since you can remember/can’t imagine your life without him/have kids together, and so on.

Many of my clients in Wake Forest couples counseling who have found themselves in this situation say they are confused because they don’t know how to forgive. You don’t instantly stop loving your husband, and the fact that he has cheated on you cannot erase many great things about him.

As a couples therapist in Raleigh, NC, I am often asked about whether to leave and divorce after infidelity or forgive and save the marriage. My answer is always the same: there is no right answer to this question. You have to find your own truth as to whether to leave your husband for cheating is a highly personal decision.

You may generalize this experience and fear that you won’t be able to trust others again. Betrayal is an isolating feeling that shakes our beliefs to the grounds.

What to Do When Your Marriage is in Trouble?

Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that a person who has been betrayed by their partner experiences symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Some of these signs may involve an inability to experience positive emotions, irritability, mood swings, anxiety, depression, disturbing images of sexual acts, and others.

Not only your marriage is in crisis, but your mental and emotional health as well. Some of my clients say they wanted to leave their spouse right away, without looking back or giving them the chance to explain. It would help if you were not making any major decisions in this state of crisis, though. Self-care needs to be your priority in the immediate aftermath of infidelity. Give yourself some time to slow down and think clearly about everything.

Wake Forest coupes intensive in crisis can help you work through the painful experience of infidelity and think through your decisions so you can make a thoughtful choice.

Can I Trust Him Again?

Many of my clients in Wake Forest couples counseling decide to leave their partner for cheating. However, if you still have feelings for your husband, you’ll probably ask yourself: “How do I ever trust my husband again after he cheated on me?” Rebuilding trust is a painful and challenging process, but it is possible. It takes both you and your spouse to put effort into the healing process of your relationship.

If you decide to forgive, keep in mind that you cannot control whether your spouse will cheat on you again. It is up to him to make that choice. But you can choose whether or not to trust your husband back.

Can Wake Forest Couples Counseling Help Me Make the Decision?

Most commonly, a natural reaction to a betrayal that comes from infidelity in marriage is anger. It is normal if you feel outraged by your husband’s deception. Yet, you can choose to see betrayal as an opportunity to learn from your wounds and grow both as individuals and as a couple.

You can decide whether to leave or not together. Wake Forest marriage counseling can speed up your affair recovery and help you and your partner process what happened. Couples intensive counseling in Raleigh, NC, gives you a safe space to explore your options and decide what you want to do with your relationship.

Much ow what couples intensives do is to guide couples in the decision-making process. After learning about your partner’s feelings and reasons for infidelity, you may feel empowered to decide to leave him or to forgive and stay.

Although recovering from your spouse’s infidelity can be complicated, many of my clients in Wake Forest counseling say that they find themselves in a much closer bond as a result of healing together.

Other couples decide to peacefully part their ways. Couples intensive counseling in Raleigh, NC, can be a safe place to dissolve your relationship respectfully and considerately.

Summary

Marriage is a growth partnership that should be based on trust, commitment, and love. Infidelity shakes the relationship to the grounds. It is normal to feel ambivalent between the need to leave your husband for cheating and desire to stay and save the marriage.

Learning to love again after the affair is a slow but possible process. Regaining trust is possible if your spouse is ready to put your marriage first and demonstrate trustworthiness. Also, you need to be willing to let go of your anger and hurt and forgive.

Ultimately, the decision lies with you. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to give me a call at (703)347 3200 and schedule an appointment online or in my Wake Forest office here.