What to Do When You Want to Divorce, but Your Partner Wants to Stay Married
As a couples therapist in Wake Forest, I often work with couples whose needs and expectations are not balanced when ending a marriage. Sometimes, one partner wants a divorce, but the other one wants to stay married, and this situation can be incredibly frustrating for everyone involved.
Of course, you don’t need your partner’s permission to divorce them. But you don’t want to go through a toxic separation either. If your spouse wants to stay married, the divorce process can become extremely painful for both of you and your children, often making your post-marriage relationship and co-parenting impossible.
Marriage Counseling in Raleigh can be the right place to address your marriage issues and sort out your separation dilemmas in a mutually satisfying way.
But before you schedule your first marriage retreat in NC, here are some tips on what to do when you want to divorce, but your partner wants to stay married.
Keep Your Communicating Lines Open
Yes, you can simply file for divorce and present your spouse with divorce papers. However, if you want to end the marriage on good terms, this may not be the best way to do it.
If you want to avoid break up the drama:
Try approaching your spouse with understanding and compassion.
Show empathy and validate the pain, anger, sorrow, and hurt your partner is (likely) going through.
Offer a listening ear and be prepared for resentment, bitterness, and bargaining.
Remember, your goal is to discuss the situation openly and honestly because this will help your spouse accept the situation and end your marriage in a friendly manner.
2. Give Your Spouse Time to Adjust to the Idea
Try to be considerate of your partner’s feelings if they tell you they need more time to adjust to the idea of divorce. Sometimes, my clients tell me they simply didn’t see it coming, and we have to respect this.
Don’t rush them with the decision as this news might have come to them as a surprise (while you’ve been thinking about it for months or even years!).
Since they didn’t have time to mentally prepare for divorce, stepping back and giving them some time to process everything (once you have announced you want a divorce) would be helpful.
3. Seek Marriage Counseling
If you are not sure how to approach the situation, ask a professional for help. If your spouse doesn’t want to divorce but is willing to go to marriage therapy, this can be the best way to communicate you want to end your marriage.
Couples therapy in Wake Forest is a safe place where both of you can sort through your feelings and work through your emotions.
Marriage retreat in NC can help you gain confidence to tell your spouse you want a divorce and work out this process’s details in an understanding and compassionate atmosphere.
Walking Away from a Cheating Husband
But what when an unfaithful spouse doesn’t want to divorce after an affair? I’ve seen it in my couples counseling practice before.
Many clients who experienced their partner’s unfaithfulness ask me when to walk after infidelity. There is no a one-size-fits-all answer to this situation. It may depend on several factors should you and when walk away from a cheating husband.
If this happens, ask yourself do you really want a divorce. Can you forgive the attachment injury and go on? Do you still love your husband? Is he likely to cheat on you again? Is he showing remorse? Is he willing to go to marriage therapy? How will your decision (whether to stay or to leave) affect others (kids, your families, etc.)?
There are many things to consider when you are deciding whether to walk away from a cheating husband. Marriage therapy can be a wise choice if you are facing such a dilemma.
While you should not disregard how your divorce will affect others (kids in the first place), it is most important to do what feels right to you, not allowing others to decide for you.
Whether you decide to end the marriage or give it another shot and start rebuilding trust and connection with your spouse, a marriage retreat in NC can be a safe environment to process your feelings, address your concerns, and discuss the situation openly.
Summary
We all enter our marriages expecting them to last for good. However, life happens, and hard decisions need to be made. If you want to divorce but your partner wants to stay married, couples counseling may help address these issues in a protecting atmosphere.
Opening up about your distress to a trained couples counselor can bring a sense of relief and hope. Couples counseling can help you work through your emotions and feel more confident in your decisions.
If you have any questions or would like to schedule an appointment in my Wake Forest or virtual office, do not hesitate to call me at (703)-347-3200 for your free of charge 15-min phone consultation.
You can also book your free 15 min phone consultation online by clicking here https://www.irinabaechlecounselingllc.com/book-a-consult
