I Don’t Love My Husband Anymore - is it Time for a Divorce?
Most people believe that something big such as an affair or abuse has to happen for a marriage to fall apart. “Normal” couples just don’t get divorced. This is one of the most common misconceptions I hear during couples counseling in Wake Forest.
Many of my clients who seek marriage counseling say they have reached a point where they don’t feel connected to their spouses anymore. After twenty years of marriage or more, some of them have realized that they just aren’t into their husbands anymore.
Many of my clients have sought marriage counseling in Raleigh because they didn’t feel any spark for their spouses anymore. They barely talk about anything other than kids, bills, and errands. They hadn’t slept in the same bed for years and cannot recall when was the last time they had sex even though they are not experiencing any sexual dysfunction.
They simply aren’t in love with their partners anymore.
Or a woman says her husband is a good person, great father, and they still get along very well. They function as a team. Make plans together, share household chores, entertain friends, take care of their kids, and communicate pretty well.
However, she feels profoundly disconnected and alone in their relationship.
Do you feel the same way? Does your once passionate relationship seem like a roommate marriage?
Emotional distancing and disconnection happen to a large number of married couples. If you keep asking yourself whether to leave or not to leave, you might want to keep reading. The following tips may help you find an answer to your dilemma.
Have an Open Dialogue
Many couples have forgotten how to be vulnerable and open up to one another. Consider having an honest conversation about your relationship. Recall all those happy years you spent together and discuss your expectations for the future. Maybe your partner has no clue about how you feel. It may happen that he also feels unhappy and doesn’t know what to do about it.
The open conversation may not give a solution right away, but it will definitely help you move beyond the status quo. Even if you decide to divorce, this decision will result from a conversation rather than a one-sided contemplation.
Also, don’t try to avoid conflicts (and they will surely arise). A healthy relationship doesn’t mean not having disagreements but working together to develop win-win solutions.
2. Try Turning Towards His Bids for Connection
According to Dr. Gottman from the Gottman Institute, many marriages fall apart because partners ignore each other’s bids for emotional connection. Emotional bids are signals people send to each other to create and keep up the connection. Bids are vital to any relationship, so noticing and turning towards each other’s bids is the best way to have a successful relationship.
So, if you want to try rekindling the passion in your marriage, start working on your emotional connection.
Healthy relationships are built on closeness and intimacy. Dr. Gottman believes that couples who want to reconnect need to turn towards each other emotionally. This involves:
Openly sharing your needs and feelings.
Showing empathy and affection.
Responding positively to each other’s emotional bids.
3. Sign Up for a Marriage Retreat NC
Your husband may not be happy to hear that you don’t love him anymore or are not satisfied with your marriage. So, you may want to consider getting support in breaking up the news to him.
A marriage retreat in NC can help you accept each other’s viewpoint without being judgmental. Couples therapy in Wake Forest can provide a private setting to broach these topics with your husband.
If you are unsure how to open up a dialogue about the future of your relationships on your own, a skilled marriage therapist can help you out address these issues.
A couples retreat can be an excellent opportunity to restore your relationship in the atmosphere of a romantic getaway. Sometimes, being alone with your spouse without the hustle and bustle of your daily life is an excellent opportunity to look inward and focus on yourself and one another.
Marriage counseling retreats usually last a day or two and occur in private, cozy, and beautiful settings.
Summary
Divorce is a big step to take. However, if you and your husband are willing to be open with each other, share your feelings and explore options together, the chances of coming to a mutually satisfying solution are significantly greater.
If you have any questions or would like to schedule an appointment in my Wake Forest or virtual office, do not hesitate to call me at (703)-347-3200 for your free of charge 15-min phone consultation. You can also book your free 15 min phone consultation online by clicking here.
